I am the first to admit that I am mediocre in, oh, so very many ways.
I am not in any way, shape, or form mediocre at shoe shopping.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have an impressive shoe collection. And I do mean collection, because each pair has been carefully chosen, carefully sought out….and only the best make the cut.
If I wanted to get deep about some sort of self-esteem issues, I could hypothesize that everything about my body has been in flux for the past 12 years. But my shoes can always be counted on.
My feet have grown a bit, but, really, wasn’t that just an excuse to improve the collection?
I could tell you that sometimes, I just don’t feel very confident….but it makes me smile to know that a killer pair of shoes is grounding my outfit.
Seriously, take any pair of jeans and a plain tee, pair them with a fabulous pair of shoes….and now you have an outfit!
I could tell you that when I chose my first tattoo, I first considered how it would look with my shoes. I wanted both the ink and the shoes to be shown in their most flattering light….complementing, not competing.
I am a firm believer that every foot can benefit from moisturizer and a beautiful set of red toenails….or pink, or violet, or even a playful blue.
I love my boots. I have ankle boots, mid-calf boots, knee boots, and even a newer pair of over-the-knee boots. I wear them over my jeans, under my jeans, with a skirt, or a pair of brightly-colored tights. They are suede, leather, distressed, and embellished. They tie, buckle, lace up, and zip.
I have flats, I have wedges, I have heels, and I have sandals. They have chains…they have jewels….they have flowers….they have studs and spikes. They are black….brown….green….pink….animal prints….patent….and metallic.
My favorites….my very favorites….are the sandals. I get to show off my slender ankles, my manicured toes, and my tattoo. Some of my favorite physical attributes, which I appreciate all the more after birthing six Hobbits. Let’s face it….not all of my “assets” have fared so well.
I recognize other shoe collectors. I can spot them across a room. I notice them at restaurants. I see them at church. I admire their shoes, and they admire mine.
I learned an essential life lesson as a fan of Sex And The City. Never worry about matching your shoes to your outfit. If your shoes are amazing, they will carry your outfit. Quirky, fun, and unexpected is better than matching any day, in my opinion!
My shoes reflect my mood. Some days I am subdued….some days I am loud….some days I am flirty….some days I am a badass. And, not surprisingly, I have a shoe for every mood!
When a mediocre friend sent up an SOS that she needed two new pairs of shoes for a weekend event, I was ready to shop!
Three of us were shopping together. I should have known we were heading for trouble when the other two started talking about buying shoes to match her dresses. Oh, boy….
This is a high-brow event my friend will be attending, and I was not about to let her look like she just came off the turnip truck. Did I mention that I am really good at shoes?!
For long events, comfort and wearability is very important….but so are lots of other factors….like style and sex appeal!
I am pretty sure I would have had an easier time convincing one of these dear ones to donate a kidney than to agree with my shoe choices.
(Horrified)….”I cannot wear red shoes!”….or….”But these are a designer brand”…..ummmm, ladies….the brand does not cancel the ugly.
The first pair we bought was relatively easy to agree upon….a lovely mid-heel with a closed toe and a delicate ankle strap. They were a fabulous satin floral print, with feminine pleating around the heel.
At the next store, I couldn’t pull either of them away from the large selection of silver prom shoes. Even the ones with the lucite heels. Ugh….
Meanwhile, the stranger in another aisle was gladly taking my advice and heading to the register with her purchase. She had taken one look at my strappy, spiked, black sandals and declared me to be a shoe expert. She was a genius….
….and I was still stuck with Mediocre Frick and Mediocre Frack….looking at silver prom shoes.
Before they could try on every pair of silver shoes and debate each of them, I called it quits, and we headed to a third store….where I chose the perfect pair of nude, platform sling-backs.
Dinner was next, and I am not sure if The Friends agreed with me or if I had just worn them down to the point of starvation….where they really didn’t care.
Although Mediocre Frack did walk over to show me the pair of green, jelly-style, ballet flats she was trying on. I honestly didn’t know at that point if she actually liked those horrible shoes or if the two of them were messing with me….playing some kind of ridiculous joke.
Shoes are no joking matter, Ladies. Shoes are serious business. You don’t amass a collection like mine by joking about plastic shoes.
Mediocre Frick bought her nude sling-backs for her fancy event. Mediocre Frack actually bought a super-cute, bright pink and orange pair of ballet flats…..
And I bought an amazing pair of retro, fishnet, pin-up-inspired, pink-and-patent leather platforms for myself. I also bought six pairs of flip-flops….one for each Hobbit.
At the checkout, the cashier bagged our purchases. Each of the Mediocre friends had one pair of shoes.
My bag contained one pair of sexy platforms and six pairs of kids’ sandals…..
Gee….I wonder how I ended up with those six Hobbits….