The Hobbits wrote this for me. I couldn’t have done it any better.
The Night that Dinner Imploded….
1. Hobbits are talking about different teachers that have an innovative policy when students forget something for class. Need to borrow a pencil from the teacher? Trade in one of your shoes. You also forgot your red pen? Trade in a second shoe. When you need your shoes back, you will remember to return the teacher’s supplies.
2. Mediocre Mommy begins to think out loud. Thoughts that were clearly better left unsaid. “That is a great idea. How could I make that work for me? What could I make you trade to do your chores? What about your loveys? I could have you each deposit your favorite things into a basket as you leave for school. While you are gone, I will check your room. If it is clean, I will leave your things in your room for you.”
3. Hobbits begin to poke holes in my plan. “I don’t have a lovey.” That’s right. Well, I suppose I will take your favorite library book. “I will hide my lovey. I won’t tell you which book is my favorite.” For each of their plans, I come up with an equally devious way to outsmart them.
4. The Hobbits begin to panic, and their plans become more desperate. “I have known each of you since you were a single strand of DNA. Do you really think there is any way you will outsmart me?”
5. Hobbits around the table begin to sob uncontrollably.
6. Mediocre Mommy begins to laugh uncontrollably because there is something just so ridiculously satisfying about getting your kids where it hurts.
7. Hubby walks in from work, horrified at the scene displayed before him. Hobbit are crying crocodile tears; Mediocre Mommy is laughing hysterically. He immediately sides with the Hobbits, as I have clearly lost all control. I yell at him to stay out of it.
8. Hobbits leave the kitchen in tears, only to return with proclamations of their impending moves and their search for new families.
9. The mayhem finally settles a bit when Hobbit #4 tearfully asks if she can go see the school counselor tomorrow. I laugh again, but this time, I try valiantly to suppress my giggles.
10. I tuck Hobbits into bed and kiss them goodnight without tripping on one single stray toy or piece of laundry out of place in their rooms.
Dinner was a disaster, but it looks like my plan for getting chores done will work out just fine.