I feel a little nervous, like a first date, so let’s start by getting to know one another. I will go first. I am a slacker stay-at-home mom of six children under the age of 10. Crazy, right? I am a doula and lactation educator, but don’t let that scare you! I have no illusions that either of those things have resulted in a loving committment to motherhood. If you are looking for a feel-good mommy blog, this is probably not the place for you! If you are looking for the nitty-gritty of the down and dirty times of motherhood, pull up a chair and get comfortable.
Let’s talk about the warm and fuzzy parenting blogs. I see them from time to time, shared from other mothers. On the occasion that I read a post from one of them, it only tends to make me sad. I fnd myself sad that I only remember a handful of times that I actually felt so sappy about this JOB called motherhood. As long as I can remember, I actually wanted to be a mother. I played with my baby dolls long after other friends had stored theirs in the attic. When I found myself pregnant (surprise!) with my first, I was ready to take it on. I painted the nursery, shopped for maternity clothes, and prepared our little nest. After baby #1 was born, I happily withdrew from nursing school to become a full-time mommy. I never regret that choice. Becoming a mother changed my life. I knew I had finally found my purpose in the world.
The babies began to come, every other year. I was happy, although sometimes I wasn’t, but we can talk about that another time. I still feel fulfilled and I have deep and powerful love for each of my children. But let’s not get crazy here…..this is ridiculously hard!
Did you notice that I didn’t refer to motherhood as a relationship but as a JOB! Let’s be honest, that’s exactly what it is. The most underpaid, underappreciated, JOB I have ever had…under the most difficult working conditions! Calling motherhood a relationship is ridiculous. Would you remain in a “relationship” with a lover who continually threw up on you, demanded that you deal with their crap, whined until you gave in to their every little whim, woke you randomly and rudely throughout your sleep,and gave you precious little in return? Actually, I guess I have been in those relationships from time to time, but they never really seemed to last. You would eventually run as far away as you could from that “loving” relationship. And often, that is exactly how I feel about my JOB!
I work for six demanding and unreasonable bosses, sometimes adding a seventh, when my husband gets in on the act. I am pretty sure that in another life I could work for the FBI because reasoning with toddlers is eerily akin to negotiating with terrorists, I’m sure. The mindset seems to be “if you don’t get what you want, just start destroying things until someone gives in to your demands.” I work twenty-four hour shifts, with precious little break time. I never get a sick day, and I can count my actual vacations away from my job on one hand. I routinely deal with OSHA hazards such as waste and bodily fluids with nary a latex glove in sight!
Like a first date, I am hopeful that we will see each other again, and that my crazy doesn’t scare you away.
Some of my friends (I have very few friends, I will be honest) find my sarcasm and utter lack of enthusiasm funny. I don’t particularly understand it. I’m pretty sure I am just voicing the thoughts that run through every mom’s head from time to time. Somehow, I have found the courage to say them out loud, though. Come back, and maybe you will laugh with me. Maybe you will find a kindred spirit. And just maybe we will all find a way to make it one more day!